Cultivate plants not kids…..allow them to grow naturally

Passing by an empty house in neighbourhood, almost daily, I observed gradual but subtle changes. Earlier the aangan (cemented floor area inside main gate and outside the rooms) looked little dark, immersed in silence as if it is enjoying solitude after years of service to the inhabitants, who moved out due to various reasons. The brownness… as appeared to me, was a kind of feeling of approaching inevitable death. Slowly that part looked little disturbed due to small weak plants growing on its surface. These plants will surely die as no body is there to water or nurture them…I used to think while passing. But the plants grew eventually into thin and somewhat lanky in six to eight months, the house also seemed to have adjusted with them, giving them way. The place was quite more green, the plants were still there in the summers, growing from lanky thin stems to taller tree like shapes; happy in scorching temperatures of 42 – 43 degrees. In this dry heat of Indian summers accompanied with water scarcity, many cities have shortage of drinking water so forget about watering the plants.

Summers are the time when most of the garden lovers (usually have very small scale plantation) are worried about there Lovely plants, putting extra effort to maintain living status and protecting their darling roses, mosses, ferns, marigolds, the oranges, lemon or tomatoes to name a few. How these plants were growing then? I was so curious that I started going there almost daily, just to check on the plants.

Why I am thinking so much of those plants… this much! They are just plants, most of which are unknown to me. I did not know their names but have seen many of these local species on roadsides or abandoned lands, so felt they are not worth to know about or my time; they were no tulips or rose or Lillies! usually talked about as proud possessions. My question was still standing How? How these plants are so happy and growing healthier with each passing day, without any care? Actually the very fact that they were ignored by us being local plant species and were very common in this region, was the answer!!!!!! Yes they were not exotic species like tulips, but they knew the land, the weather, the soil and the ecosystem so well that, these plants were most suited for this place.

This fact drew an analogy in my mind about the the status of young kids, who are like these plants, strong and capable in their own way…., naturally good in the skill of their choice and would grow best in the ecosystem that would interest them; the ecosystem must be there very own naturally and not an orchestrated one.

Why We want to push our innocent children into “professional manufacturing factories” for “career” achieved by processing them like goods into “competitive education”. Are we aiming to process our kids to look all good just like artificially planted tulips or roses.

I am not advocating for letting our kids to do whatever they feel without any guidance. It’s also not about Not putting any effort to inculcate good things and new skills or habits in our kids but it is about being patient observer of what comes naturally to them” and then “helping them or facilitating the means, to master that skill” . So it is again not about ignorance to what they do it’s about being aware of overdoing the parenting that could turn an otherwise friendly confident kid into pampered rose bud which is very beautiful and attractive but very weak inside.

Each child is unique with the distinct set of emotional, physical, intellectual and interpersonal qualities, it has born with. Putting all the kids (who can definitely do good in many fields) in the “professional production factories” is like planting a single tree all over, destroying all the diversity. Uniform treatment and processing is a good for cultivation of plants not kids as we all know very well…..that each child is unique.

Think about it…..we need to cultivate plants and not kids…. for kids we just need to prepare the right kind of atmosphere where The Child is given information about everything possible and then let free to chose whatever he or she wants….Remember we are just parents not God who can decide their fate…Remember we are just parents not manufacturers who can weld the apt kind of life for our kids…let them live withtheir own interests and choices…..And be with them whenever required.

Why can’t We Decide when it comes to …..Thought Fighters ?

Thought Fighters ?

You Must be thinking What’s this ? Dwelling in thoughts and Talking to People in thoughts…..any idea? ……. It’s very common, in-fact hobby of many, people usually talk to people in their thoughts. Specially those who have lesser chance to express or are rather suppressed, do this more. Why? Why is it? Are they afraid of insult or are cowards? NO…. I would rather call them Fighters….”Thought fighters” There are many who talk to their teachers, parents, officers or rivals, very violently and aggressively at times, but all in their thoughts or dreams.

I was also one of these “thought fighters” few years back. I would talk to all those whom I disagreed, in length, but not in reality. My debate in my mind will continue for hours and sometimes for days with the people, those people who were completely unaware of this fact and would have been enjoying their life at that point…hhh so this was more a problem than a solution. Then suddenly I could see the what actual problem was – The problem was that I couldn’t not decide what to do when it was most crucial?

Why decision making is so difficult…. particularly to those who are more sensitive and caring. Decision making is not tough it’s rather a simple algorithm of facts and wisdom. Yet it has never been taught to us, we were rather taught to follow decisions taken by others (orders!!!) We were not allowed even to ask why this decision was taken for me? Or Why I wasn’t party in this decision ? Anyways with such conditioning, Can anyone suddenly take right decision at right time….that is when there is a need or when it comes to decide finally…..To top it with more stress…. zero error rate is expected, that too without genuine practice. There are thus many “thought fighters” bred in our culture, so was I. To come out of these cycles of generating more and more thought fighters we must start practising fee simple steps of decision making:

  • What is this ? (Do I know about this Situation – Temporary or Lasting/Beneficial or Damaging )

* Yes – go ahead

* No – gather more information

  • Why I am part of it? Is it required really?

**If No… .. Move Out without hesitation

** If what extent I should be involved?

  • Do I have resources ? (Very Important)
  • *Yes – go ahead,
  • *No – Gather resources

Be confident and Speak up your mind, then and there…as any thing that come to us whether it is expressed in words or acted upon or kept to ourselves will be a Decision……

Do you still want to be thought fighters or real Life doer…choice is yours.

I wanna be loser….

Loser! loser!! loser!!!….Back in school- college days….my friends (?) and relatives will usually call me by this name …quite often . And pinched with the thought, injured deeply in my heart, I would put all my efforts to not to be ” “one” (a loser). But…. winning was never that easy for me. I would work hard, please people and play trick, sometimes cheat too, to succeed. Sometimes I would win also but again the so called “friends and well wishers” looked at all my success as grace of God or sheer luck… after all I have to learn to be humble and polite after winning. Although other winners seldom saved me from there aggressive showcasing of success. This God’s grace record player and “Almighty takes care of all its subjects” school of thought would again leave me clueless that really did I worked or it just happened as if it was bound to? Anyways my title “loser” was always kept safe (for me only…) and as if they were waiting to Throw it back immediately on me as soon as I committed any (or usually many) mistake.

Soon I started enjoying my failures as it will not lead to any rise in benchmark ( its tough to live with loads of expectations!!!). Further, to add icings on it, I was more like a free soul, after every failure (how ironic???). I was able to do whatever I want, observe what so ever was available either hell or heaven or befriend with anyone, even the poorest or worst guy on earth (theoretically). This opened a completely different world to me. People were more sharing and caring in my world and not competing to cut me to a corner. Here was a world where we coordinated together, developing means to cope up with the “crime” of being a loser. We would again commit mistakes but now each mistake will become learning for the others in the row..(not a laughingstock). Slowly I don’t know How and would rather ask Why (?) I was no more called a loser. I was able to laugh on face of failures and would leave any challenge to compete with anyone with a smile, leaving my competitor wandering about my mental state. While the achievers would now look nervous fearing any risk of losing a battle may it be studies, career or relationships. But I (and many losers like me) am always ready to take life head-on and rather give life a second chance…then third…and many more chances to test my steel…to test that I am not going to break. I will slowly make my own small place in this Big world. …….I have stopped playing tricks and no more cheat to succeed but I do only that what I love to do (or Not do anything for that matter).

I and many losers like me are in no competition with anyone or for anything but almost all of us want to share it loudly and rather with pride that I (we) wanna be loser…for rest of my life

Ten on Ten

Ten on Ten is the most tempting number, yet haunting many, at least me..and I bet there are many like me. Who would not like to be ten on ten or would have not pursued the ten on ten dreams in life. Say it or not most of us are stuck there…no I am not talking about marks scored by students or the targets achieved by managers. It’s there in everything and every bit of our lives…we want to be Ten On Ten Mom/Papa, Ten on Ten Wife/ Husband Ten on Ten friend…worker….doctor… and the list is endless. The Ten on Ten haunts us to do that either we can’t or we don’t want to do even if we can. It pushes us like Motivation and ends up in frustration.

Before getting stuck in this futile cycle of Ten On Ten Goal – efforts to achieve this Goal – Identifying the shortcomings and then Again marching towards Ten on Ten; let’s answer few of theses questions:

  • Why to rate my work, feelings or ME for that matter..on a Ten Point scale?
  • Why to rate anyone on this scale? AND
  • Who has the capacity to rate me or you for anything and everything?
  • Most Important of all What if I achieve this Haunting Number? Will it end my run and bring me (you or others) the feeling of complete satisfaction? Or should I keep on Running all my life?

I want to know all the answers first; before anyone wants/force me to start this race. I will do what I want and would do so with my own will.

Anyone can Judge me for my success and failures but Nobody can be judgemental towards my efforts and Intensions to be Successful….and yes I will spell my meaning of Success.