Stress is a word which everyone uses frequently may it be a 4 year child, 14 year boy or girl or 40 year women. The older we get the more commonly we use it. These 3 sentences are the tools I have used in my life to save me from stress, mostly if not all the time. Not talking too much on what, why and how, I put forth them:
1. Even if this concept/ idea is wonderful but I disagree !!!!
Disagreement is a normal thing in a conversation, in life, while planing something (big or small), deciding on which school, dress, food, toy are any dam thing for your child or even while playing if you are still a child. But!!!! we have not allowed it to be normal in our lives. What I mean here is, now a days disagreement is taken too seriously and we don’t believe in diversity of thoughts and approaches. We are afraid that expression of disagreement may lead to a hot discussion and finally to drifting away in a relationship, whether professional or personal. Actually hiding our actual opinion and shying away or fabricating a response is more dangerous. It reduces the chance of learning either yours or of your friend/ parent/ boss/ colleague in question. Expression of disagreement in subtle, calm manner with rightest choice of words is more beneficial than a fake agreement. Moreover its an irresponsibility to our own self when we believe in one opinion and agree upon another – making it one of the root cause of stress. So practice to express your views which may not agree to most in the room and own your disagreement.
2. Even if I can do it but I don’t want to do it
Many a times we do things which we don’t want. May it be for sake of others’ happiness or maintaining peace, Just don’t do any thing because you are supposed to do that. Exceptions in this case are the situations of life and death for someone or when it comes to you boss’s order. Here you have no choice!!! In all other cases you have the right to say NO !! But again you must be capable enough to bear the consequences. It is important that we must learn to calculate what could happen afterwards and prepare ourselves for that. If the result is unpleasant it will be an experience and learning and if it is pleasant it’s a bonus. Usually, We find it easier to say “I Can’T DO” in place of “I Don’T want TO DO”. It can be safe escape too, but it brings stress to hide what YOU CAN. Many a times the person asking for a favor knows that you CAN, you have the expertise rather. It also starts a chain reaction of lying and hiding – which is another important root cause of stress. Say that plainly that you don’t want and wait for the time till it is digested by your friend, neighbor, colleague or partner.
3. It may be Simple BUT I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS
This is the most important sentences that works in most of the situation and is again a common thing. Let me put in a small story here. When I was a young girl studying in class 7th, Mathematics classes were most horrifying. Like most of the Mathematics teachers our Bariq sir was also too strict and discriminatory. He would easily identify the weak students and target them (atleast we felt this way). All of us (who were not so good in numbers) use to work extra for his class and were extra extra extra stressed too. Cause a poor mathematics = poor brain = poor marks = poor career = X = Y = what will others SAY!! One day a smart girl called Jyoti got admitted in our school. She was so confident that what she is good at and what she wants that she was not at all stressed of any of these XYZ things. She would enjoy Hindi Poem recitation, English drama, poltical debates and would talk about the current affairs of the world. Needless to say she wasn’t stressed in mathematics class, she was not even afraid of Bariq sir. When sir asked about why she got such a poor marks in mathematics or Why She could not get a simple concept of algebra ? (Look what he use to say….SIMPLE CONCEPT OF ALGEBRA !!!). Her answer would be always “It may be a SIMPLE thing sir but I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT….with a smile. She knew what she understood well and what she could do really well. So the key was accepting what you are good and even taking what you are not able to understand with same confidence. No peer pressure. No pressure of society and hence NO STRESS.