While sitting in a coffee shop waiting for my daughters birthday treat to be over, again a wonderful incident took place related to “what and how to decide”. It was a cold evening, I was completely engrossed in my own thoughts “….what about the students, what they will say…” obviously, I was not able to decide whether I should go for leave for 2 long months or not. At that moment, the same tall, dark and handsome man (one who was there in the first part of this decide….blog series) came in the coffee shop, now do you remember who? One who believed that Success comes only with struggle and fun is a sin kind of thing. Now he was father of an eight year old boy, happens to be my daughter’s friend and a young energetic boy good at guitar 🎸. His son was very much interested in playing guitar in this birthday party but forgot, so he called his father from office. Father, the tall, dark, handsome boy, now a man of almost 40, was there with a small guitar and lots of anger, as he was still not matured. He felt that it’s simple a waste of time to stay longer in this party and was actually a show-off attitude of his son. With an annoying face this man was also sitting next to me along with a lady, who was also waiting for her daughter, she was pretty cool with whatever attitude for the situation and was immersed in her phone. So all three of us were in our own cocoon of thoughts!!! waiting for a the fun time of our kids to get over. Just then, these three young men entered…..discussing something on stand-up comedy shows. They were probably preparing for some event, and there was some issue with clash of dates of the event and office appraisal of one of them. Although they were not talking to me but there discussion looked something interesting to me…so I left my decision on back seat for some time). “So what will you do either you are on board or I will call…..him“, asked the one of them. The guy gave a thought for a while and said ” I will come for event…job can wait, job will be there Always…I can get one whenever needed”. The third was still confused (as he looked), can we look for other dates? Asked half heartedly, as if knowing the answer is NO. Both of them said NO at once. What’s the issue with you? You are an engineer, you can always get a job, But this is a maiden opportunity!!!! The third boy almost blasted, you are in a business, pointing towards one, and you are an IITian, pointing the other boy, BUT I am a common engineering graduate, I have to think of everything, of my job, my responsibilities and future! Is it that wrong to be a common man and have an ambition different than others? I thought something is going to break either there plan or the team…since he was yelling so all of us were now looking towards them. The three boys were casually discussing there own matter, almost unaffected by our presence or by the emotional blast of the third boy, So what’s the issue man? Asked the IITian. Should I regret my degree or should he regret his family’s support for his Start-Up? What is the point you want to prove that you’re a bechara (helpless). See man when we thought of this every body was happy and interested, and all of us knew what we are and what is our family’s situation. Secondly why do you feel that this is the last job in the world? Why don’t you have guts to follow your heart? Don’t put so much of logic here dear friend, just do what makes you happy!! You have to just assured of that this is what you really want to do…..and you and ONLY you will be responsible for the success or failure”. The third boy again sat for a while and said YESsss with a bang!!! They then started planing for there event…and I was amused of the incident. The man (father of the guitarist son was also affected…though trying to show not listening to them) and the lady too. She said a word, after one long hour we were sitting together “this is the reason why…we are what…what we are today and we still blame others like our parents, life partners or friends, for what we could not!!!”
Making choices may seem tough to us, adults, probably because we want someone else to take responsibility of our decisions. The relatively immature youngsters don’t think that way. Mostly they take decisions in minutes sometimes in hours and rarely in days…They follow their heart until and unless there is someone to “guide” (rather confuse) them. The big thing called ‘decision’ doesn’t come that tough to a young vibrant boy or an ambitious girl, but it becomes a burden for grown-ups….Why? Again a Why? There are several factors as –
- Most youngsters go by there gut feeling which is “right” almost 80% of the times. Rest of the 20 % is the time when they ignore the gut feeling 😜
The youngsters are relatively cleaner slate than us… and thus have less trouble with the factor called”last time when we were in a similar situation…….” attitude.
- These people are open to takes risk for some achievement…whereas we ensure an absolute hassle free decision. So we have actually lost the adventure part of life…… I don’t mean here it is right all the time or wrong either.
- Most important reason behind quick decisions made by the young generation is that….they do what they like to…and adults do what they are expected to do.
Here comes a trouble hanging between “what I Like to Do” and “what I Have to Do”. Almost every time we desire something else than what we aspire for other… isn’t it. You don’t believe!!!!try this (honestly….)
- Take a paper write down all the things/stuff that you want to do be happy in day to day life or what you want to do if you are set free.
- Fold the paper and keep aside
- Take another paper – write What you plan in next 5 years and will do anything to achieve that.
- Compare both lists….are they different? Yes? – it’s obvious. No – you are gem of a person.
- The first list is list of desires and second list is list of aspirations. Are both same or similar or largely different?
What is our (your) aspiration? Ask this question to yourself that what you aspire for???????? The answer will be Position and Fame, Happy life, Happy wife / husband, Lots of Money, A good (really big extravagant) house and Kids (bright and cute)………so is this list same with above. Generally we have desire for small things that gives us happiness like travelling, gossips, lying in house and just spending time thinking 💭…. or roaming here and there, talking to people for fun (and not business), going to places in our pyjamas and happy to say I don’t know, when we don’t know…..etc….etc……etc…. the list will be ever extending and diverse….. We get less chance to do all these, we are usually busy in BIG things like making our own career, preparing kids for there career, managing our home/family or helping kids to manage there home/family.
Is this all what we really thought of we will do when we were kids or young girl/boy? At least I didn’t dream about this. For me Aspirations were BIG goals…and they have to be different than the silly things that I desired for. The point is why we aspire for something that we don’t desire… Why we can’t convert our desire to aspirations or dreams or ambitions?
Probably we have learned all our life that it is very important to be happy but means of happiness will be determined by others (parents/peer group/society). This fact separated happiness from way of living……it was a kind of mutual exclusion. If one is happy he/she is not very successful or has struggled a lot to be happy (Happiness comes with a cost? I feel No a BIG NO). I felt that it is tough to be an adult rather little painful… Happiness is there in everything we do and everything we do is done with a goal, the goal is sharing responsibilities and contributing towards family and society.
The responsibility and contribution will be determined by the set of skill we learned and the environment. An environment that help us to understand that happiness is in learning, NOT competing, such environment will not blame us for failures but will help us to see our own lacunae and improve rather than compare.
Difference in attitude of youngsters and adults:
- While talking to the young boys and girls in my class I feel that they don’t want to be judged for the whole time, they want to be free in planning and executing. So are we.
- They help each other while working so that things go well, they are happy to take responsibilities and deliver without an exchange of money/goods in compensation. So are we?
- Youngsters work for fun of being together and for learning. They make fund of shortcomings of others but then help to improve, invest time with friends and not money. While We start comparing and competing when we grow older and look for shortcomings of others not to help them overcome that but to point out in discussions.
- Decisions for them are natural as matter of time, opportunity and risk. Environment for them is either fun, friendly or agitated. Is it same for us? Decisions for us are more fabricated…and the environment becomes so much an equation of “profit -loss” for us that we rate all our decisions like that and hence the “essence of learning and happiness” is overshadowed by words like “gain-achievement-loss-failure”.
To be happy and good at decision making We must learn to aspire to do what we desire for…..