Learning Active, Passive learning and surrounding, teenage girls thoughts, Gender Bias

My life my Choice…..Are my choices mine?

Decisions that we take make us and design course of our journey called life. Decisions…….timely…late….good….bad…..wise…..foolish…..wrong…..right……just……huuh, this actually interests me and irritates me equally. I feel no one on earth can say that he or she has never made a wrong decision if someone claims that then the person is either GOD or HAVE NOT TAKEN ANY DECISION. Why? ….you also know this that we are what we choose and what we choose depends on my decisions “what not to choose” that is what we actually Reject. So are we choosing or rejecting…anyways. Thinking on this line I felt that our decisions are actually the result of our past and fear of future, I call it “cause and effect equation of decision-making” There is a story… better catch this process –

“I met this boy who was about 25 years, well educated (MBA) and was looking too confident and impulsive. Yet he was too much talking and jumping grounds while talking. He was tall, dark and handsome but still had no girlfriend or job…what was the issue. He had a fair idea of what life is, what he is expected to do at this stage, what money is to him and his family and most importantly what people thought about him. So it wasn’t a case of…but still he was not doing good in his life or was not happy…as it could be observed in his overenthusiastic talking. SO WHAT WAS THE ISSUE….img_4031

This boy had a background of the humble middle class where things are bought only when you need them dearly and almost every occasion or person is evaluated in terms of ‘profit-loss’ ratio. They thought that it is better to keep money stored in banks and investments in property, rather than going for a trip. Someone’s marriage or death!!! was enough a cause for such trips but travelling for the sake of travelling was a waste of money and time both for them. His family believed that success doesn’t come easy, achievement in life rarely coincide with interest…One has to go against one’s desire and interest and struggle in life to be successful. His father’s portray of life was being a selfless (???) person, burdened with responsibilities  (so responsibilities were the struggle and not choice). The mother who was afraid of father’s anger had actually no voice and soon she learnt that display of ‘self – pity and weakness’ are very important to survive with this man.  Happiness was something he was not very happy with……the fun part was lacking so seriously in this family that this boy felt fun is a sin, that the luxury of fun is available only to rich… Rich means what? having more than the close door neighbour and the richness was also not absolute neither the fun. Like any other human being, he would love to make friends (girls toooooo), would go out if somebody else is paying or would find a serious genuine cause for spending money….kind of justifying fun. So the cause was ‘too much idealism’ in the family along with ‘weakness is desired’ factor.

What was the effect of this cause?….See the effect…The boy....He was intelligent, energetic and eager to grow financially and socially, probably he wanted to get rid of this ‘oh poor’ title. He had great dreams in life and is dedicated to pursuing them… (good effect???). So he rejected all that was fun, all that could have brought genuine happiness without a reason…all that could have taken a toll on his idealism. He rejected the fact that he liked history, literature and politics more than maths and science. He thought that interest in these subjects would definitely make him happy reading them…so it will be easy….but easiness was not the ideal way…struggle was. But the rejection of what he actually liked, was hurting him….he was turning into an angry self-pity replica of his father…unknowingly (effect…again!!).  It led to negative results in all that he tried…because he was trying to be successful and strong; NOT because he desired to do that. He was putting all his brain in the direction where he was expected to put (what he was expected to be “rich and famous”) but all was going into vain…… he passed all exams till MBA but with poor grades. He was a poor fellow who felt one-day GOD will see his struggle and idealism and will bestow the best things and a beautiful a girl to live happily everafter…(as they say). Nothing like this seemed to be happening with him, rather his friends (selfish people!!! as he use to call them), who were less caring about the idealism and there parents liking etc. were happier. Few of his classmates excelled in the same subjects and got picked by top rated companies and he was still sitting on interview bench waiting to be picked up….WHY…? probably they were doing what they actually wanted to do, they were ‘selecting’ NOT ‘rejecting’. Rejection leaves us with NOTHING neither the thing nor the feeling but selection will surely yield something either the ‘thing’ or the ‘experience with the thing’.

NOW, THIS WHY IS VERY IMPORTANT: the struggle is not desired or is not chosen but fun and happiness are!. People love to say that they did this for them…I find this line very funny as I feel…strongly, that “no one does anything for anyone but they do it by choice…that is the decision is there own? NO GOD is going to help us if we choose to reject but will definitely be with us if we choose to select what makes us actually happy”. We are responsible for our own happiness and not the past or future. Again Choosing happiness….that is the decision of selecting things or people for happiness is again complicated….how we can be sure that this person or thing will make me happy forever?

Wait for the next story………………………………………………………………….soon…..


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