It’s almost 28 years……when I saw him for the first time, (I mean the time I remember of seeing him). I was impressed totally and several cords struck at once !!! I followed him too, for a long period before I could actually realise that my first crush is definitely going to be crushed. It will never turn into reality…..Huh… I still wish if I could at least see him in person….
He was tall, handsome, a bit thinner than others of his time but his walk with long legs was something I am still fan of. The most important thing I remember was his deep, calm but subtle tough voice as we can hear in “tum log mujhe bahar dhundh rahe the aur main tumhara yahan intazar kar raha tha” (you were searching for me outside and I was waiting for you here in your home)….. yessss you guessed correctly, I am talking about heartthrob of 80s The Amitabh Bachchan…. I was engrossed by everything he did like the way he spoke this simple line…awww what a hero. In the next scene he locks the gate and spin the keys towards the boss of goons…saying “Ab ye darwaza main tumahri jeb se chabi nikal kar hi kholunga” ( I will open the gate only after I will take this key back from you). Ufff kya scene tha!!!
You know, I would try to act like him for days after this first time. I would be angry like him, or stubborn as hell if something is not happening as I wanted it to be or standing against my own parents or grandparents for a silly cause (which looked too big to me) . Cause can be any random thing like if they didn’t talk to me nicely in front of others or even did not ask me for dinner in my own home….. I would remember his “mai fenke huye paise nahi leta” dialogue, at such moments. Even I use to say “mard ko dard nahi hota” ….being a girl, thinking as this will help me to overcome my pain when I use to fight with boys in my neighbourhood (I was very short tempered and quarrelsome too…as per stories my relatives narrate quite often)
Wait, wait wait!!! This is not about me or my fancy world with Amitabh Bachchan…..I am trying to draw attention to the fact that how small things like just watching a movie or drama have a larger effect on one’s way of thinking, deeply influencing it and unknowingly guiding our conduct. The scenes from the movies and under-current story line …… would converge into a point that we have an image of a good man, a common man and a poor man or woman. The hero will be usually one who doesn’t tolerate injustice, inequality or any unkind forceful action. Further Hero will definitely avenge the wrongs and would reciprocate violently with super human like capacity….finally making him close to God… So???? So what ….???? So I too started believing that I can be arrogant or loud or even rude in expressing my disappointments and disagreements. I started thinking in terms of right and wrong..…that something is either right or wrong. Moreover if something is wrong then I have all the rights to punish or disgrace the person, even in public sometimes. No….No…No! I am not blaming any movie or characters for my own behaviour but human psychology is something that is to be blamed.
We humans are created to learn and adopt from the surrounding either actively or passively. Many times passive learning that is when we absorb something unknowingly, is much stronger than active learning, being continuous process. Learning what we are taught directly “voluntarily” and “recording the observations in conscious brain” is actually active learning, which is not a continuous process.While passive learning involves both conscious and sub-conscious brain, it’s more a continuous process which happens all the time, even when we are dreaming.
As I was exposed to such kind of stories in outside world and male dominated way of living in my house as well as neighbourhood, I started believing (unconsciously) that Males are the superior breed in humans. There actions made me further think that the Man of the Family is capable of justice, joy, making and even breaking laws, punishing the wrongs. I felt that female are relatively poor, incapable people who believe in too much talking and little action. Many times I could directly correlate presence of a female in a story with a romantic or comedy sequence to amuse the people. I am sure I am not the only one who would have thought like this. This lead to further identification of woman and womanhood with weakness, an object that’s used to derive satisfaction or as a piece of amusement. The intellectual ability of women will be shown and discussed in the society as a “rare combination” of women and brain which is described as “beauty and brain”. Have you ever heard that HE is a rare combination of “brain and looks”. No we have been listening to “looks are not important for a Man, His PaySlip is”. Anyways… what effect all this had in my own life was
- I started behaving like a Boy, I would wear half pants and T shirts which were not common for girls in my time.
- I would lift LPG gas cylinder and take it to the shop on my small little two wheeler called Luna
- I also started, intentionally, speaking roughly to look tough and using slangs that are usually spoken by my brother and their friends.
- I saw crying in public as a crime and would say “mard ko dard nahi hota” even under immense pain.
- Also I would do all the jobs in home which were usually thought of manly…such as electric fuse repair, my Luna repair, going to market in odd times.
- Fighting was a common problem with me during that time, I use to fight to prove that I am not a show doll, but I am a man.
- Even I started walking like a Boy. My hair were short to the ear, many times I looked too funny. Many won’t believe but I felt that it’s my failure that I got “menstrual cycle” in time… that is when I was almost 13. I cried a lot that I have to surrender and compromise with my physical appearance as a Boy. Sadly, I felt at that time that…..I started looking like a girl….
- Till this time most of my friends were boys and I felt nothing about the kind of teenage things a girl would feel in this age. But people around me started judging me negatively, they started calling me names…. As if this wasn’t enough few of my “male friends” expressed their liking for me, which I Didn’t NOT LIKED at all. No….don’t think otherwise, I was absolutely normal, but being liked by a male as an object or a piece of display or a like winning a trophy was not my idea about my self. It never was. I will never be convinced that I am good enough ONLY to please man.
- So can you see how a small incidence can have a long term effect. How a little thought can turn into a different story… Why am I sharing all this now in public… because now the things have moved much ahead and this “watching movies or tv shows or YouTube videos” have gone to a different level. We may never know what could be the direct effect of such videos which talk about woman liberalisation in terms of openly boozing, wearing clothes which are absolute nonsense in name of trendy fashion or to an extent of changing partners frequently. What effect the videos will have which shows that a young man can do anything to win a woman or a competition for money or position which is called “swag” and then can apologise in the end. Our children and we too are bound to learn and teach that womanism is limited to clothes or education. Our discussions are futile because they are concentrated on crime agains woman and proving that any thing done to her body is a problem but most of the males in our society keep on abusing women’s pride, her intellect, her rights and her confidence. Our stories are still male centric that describe that one can do anything with a woman in the name of family pride or his own desire if he can prove that he had a valid reason and peer too.
- Another aspect of this problem is that most of us in a family are directly or indirectly teaching our kids ( by watching/ discussing persons and not ideas) about wealth of a person and not his knowledge and hardships. We are trying to keep them in an illusion that it is ok if you speak bad words in the name of modern society or It is absolutely fine if you hurt someone or you can do anything and if you know how to run from situation or hide. I mean where is the responsibility of a society. When is the time where we will talk about the issues in hand like resources, the socio-economic structure and human behaviour or environment, in constructive discussions. Value of Human life is not only in living that is focused deigned to seek amusement, adventures, gather as much wealth as you can even if it is not required for years and take advantage from nature. Our value as a human lies in our conduct where we think of responsibility towards family, society and Mother Nature. When we will talk about our glorious history of Veda or Literature in several languages or the logical scientific reasons behind our present way of living and food habits. It’s important for everyone to share their experiences of life with next generation but not cribbing for a person or incidence.
- I can see that we have ample time to watch almost nonsense comic videos, share ridiculous irrational thoughts on “dharma”, discuss irrelevant historical events today and broadening he gap. All these are actually the weapons of cunning wealthy people and false self claimed leaders who know that engaging common man in these things is very easy. People will cling to such issues like language, ethnicity and religion and forget about the real question that is to be asked. People will be exhausted and frustrated to the level that they will accept anything offered, coated in the sugar of religion, caste, creed or ethnicity. A handful of such cunning people have found this as the cheapest way to keep the society busy in nonsense things and will not raise questions to them. We have to be very careful of what we watch as it is directly connected to our dreams which directly determine our course of action.
- Again I would say that it’s not the fault of those who want to misguide us but it is our fault that we are not able to judge our own capabilities. If we decide not to succumb to the external elements be it a threat or a lucrative materialistic thing, we have to keep our head above our heart and then decide. We have to be watchful that what we are watching and the thoughts we are circulating in the society. We have to dream about the real world growing with all the people Happy and content. A world which is full of joys and will have equal opportunity and rights for all. Let’s dream of a beautiful human society which actually have human beings and not the animals in this human body. Let’s start watching contents which are worth our time and listening to the stories that speak to the truth. Let’s give right nutritious food to our thoughts rather than garbage. Let’s put a full on such things.
- Watch what you are watching…..it’s serious….
- Think before you dream ….it’s key to our future